10 Week 18 - Or It's Only A Paper Moon

Dr. Ng and I had worked together to finish the abstract for conference since few days ago. I felt like I was back to my college years, which I missed badly after graduation. We finally submitted the abstract on the deadline, hopefully our work would be selected for presentation. I don't know how to express my appreciation to Dr. Ng, indeed. She had taught me a lot during the process, and showed me the way to write a professional abstract. Working with her in those few days made me felt better, as if I was still in the Psychology field. Now she is the only one who directly connects me to the world of Psychology.

I know it sounds miserable. I do think I am. Sometimes I just wish to sit on the ground and stare at the sky mindlessly. Looking back what I've done and felt in my work, I don't know whether I've known myself better or I've become a stranger to myself. I am doing something that against my own values and life philosophy. Anyway, the incongruity needs to be solved, before it leads to more psychological issues.

Have you heard "It's Only A Paper Moon" (Arlen, 1933) before? I agree with it's lyrics:

"It's a Barnum and Bailey world,
Just as phony as it can be,
But it wouldn't be make believe
If you believed in me."

Our world, which includes our knowledge, values, relationships, and even religion is built based on our own beliefs. We live in the world as we are willing to believe it is true. In my world, I believe the existence of higher being; I believe my good friends are sincere; I believe if I act according to my own values I'm doing the right things... even if it's possible that my world is totally wrong. Thus for every decision I've made in my life, no matter it's right or wrong (actually I don't believe there are absolute right and wrong decisions), I just intended to make myself keep living in the world.

Or the moon is only a paper moon.